Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
