some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
