the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize