well I can't set my house on fire every night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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