the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
