is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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