Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sex in a hospital.. check
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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