You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
