FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
