Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
