yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
