he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
