how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
