After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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