dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
