was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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