Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
