Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, beer. Big fan.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
