apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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