I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
