his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Less talking, more tequila
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
