I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
