I bet he comes in French.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
