My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
