Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Me too!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
