this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
