why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
