she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
FUCK WHALES
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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