i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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