god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
zippers are such a cool invention
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
