Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
