If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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