Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
