her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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