The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
