I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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