sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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