her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
