Cold hands, warm shart.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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