I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
