I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
