I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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