I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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