Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
