I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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