that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
