And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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