dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
