I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
