you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
