Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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