don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize