Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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