Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
