I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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