Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
