the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
