He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
