about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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