I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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