he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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