A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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