Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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