She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
being pregnant is like rehab
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
